Scatterbrained at 11:00pm

So here it goes, my first blog post that doesn’t have a purpose. The first one that doesn’t have some type of inspiration behind it other than the fact that this has been the week from Hell and I’m trying to find someway to de-stress myself–why didn’t I think of this the beginning of this week?!

I’m lying in bed, dreading the 6:30am alarm that I just set for work tomorrow which marks the start of my 12.5 hour work day. This whole week has just been a clusterf*ck of things that I just am not in the mood to deal with. Why? I’m not so sure. It might be the anxiousness that school is right around the corner and my summer life is quickly coming to an end. Or maybe it’s just because I’m a typical girl who gets PMS even when it’s not that time of month yet, who knows.

I wish I could dictate my brain. I wish I could tell it to shut off as soon as my head hits the pillow at night so I’m not up thinking deep thoughts that really serve no purpose other than stress me out even more. Why does my brain shut off randomly while I’m filling out a Scantron on a big exam and not when I really need it to? Life’s not fair, I’ll tell ya that much.

As much as I wish there was an off switch on my late night thoughts, it is these thoughts that help my realize what truly stresses me out–it helps me realize what things really matter to me. Small, stupid things that I Β get over in a half hour or so slip my mind but something that I hold onto all day and all week are things that need adjustment, things that need some major change. And I have absolutely no idea what or how I will accomplish this change at the moment but maybe those are some late night thoughts for tomorrow.

Is change even what I need though? I feel like I always need change. I always need something new and exciting to keep my life interesting, which is good sometimes, but it also doesn’t allow me to appreciate what I already have. I dream of big changes in my future: graduating college, moving off to Cali for a few years to pursue my career path in public relations, maybe even changing the world in some small way. Sometimes I hate myself for this. I hate how I think I’m better than the present, and how I always think that there will be something better in store for me in my future. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and the people in it, but I’m always wondering, “What’s next?” Is this healthy? Is it healthy to not have the “live in the moment” mentality, ever?

Life is an ever-changing cycle of laughter, tears, regret, hope, love, mistakes and too many other things. So, Beth, think of it this way: life changes automatically every second of everyday so every second should be a new and exciting experience-you don’t need major change all the time girl! Life comes with change at no extra charge with no shipping and handling fees.

Notes to self: ~Appreciate what you have–right NOW, not what you might have 5 years from now. ~Change is good, but remember life is always changing, don’t try to reconstruct the natural cycle of it just because you don’t like how it’s going at the time. ~Live in the moment-sometimes, let’s not get crazy here. ~Be thankful and kind, always.

See what you did to me, WordPress?! You Β have made me spill all my random late night scatterbrained thoughts on to a single blog post. How rude.

 

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