Happy Thanksgiving you filthy animals.
I’m spending my Thanksgiving in Brooklyn with family, so to fight the FOMO about missing out on Thanksgiving Eve festivities with friends, I decided to do a bit of “social experiment,” if that’s what you’d like to call it. I only expected to do it to one or two guys, but then it just spread like wildfire. I couldn’t help myself.
Everyone reading this very familiar with Tinder, the glorified hook up app. So, since I know zero people in this area, I decided to strike up some interesting conversations with complete strangers. Inspired by How To Lose A Guy In One Tinder, I hope I can provide you with some comic relief on this glorious holiday. Apologies to those victimized, but I am certainly #thankful and #blessed for you providing me with entertaining conversations and endless laughs.
What did I learn? I can act as crazy as I’d like to, it doesn’t matter. The thirst is real.
Kindly read the conversations from left to right.
Meet Victim #1. He poses with girls in his Tinder pictures. And, his nose is growing, “like pinokio.”
How kind of you to have a romantic dinner planned for me when I come knocking on your door looking for your non-existent girlfriend like a complete psychopath.
Meet Victim #2. His grammar is immaculate and he’s charming as hell 🙂 Every girl’s dream.
I guess that makes two of us who are constipated with our “faces stuck in one position.” Also, since you’ve slept with 7 and a HALF women, do you consider me half or whole of a woman? Jw lmao lmk thx.
Wait, so does this mean take back the comment about me getting chewed up by the tigers in my Tinder picture (which are actually lions) because you still want to hook up? I’m confused. Lmk, thx.
Meet Victim #3: He’ll tell you that you look like Angelina Jolie and mean it ❤
So, first you said I don’t look Angelina Jolie at all. Maybe just slightly. Well, no, I look similar, but maybe just in person. Actually, no, just in my second picture we look alike. Ok. Good to know.
I’m off to bigger and better things. You gave me all of the confidence I need. All I need to find is my Brad Pitt and a few adorable orphans to adopt. Hollywood, here I come!
Victim #4 is willing to help a stranger in need…as long as he can talk to me on the phone first.
Have you asked your parents if its OK yet? I’m cool, I swear.
This guy’s cool. He has pumpkin and apple pie. And his friend’s parents love to salsa. What’s better than that?
Well, so do you want me to leave the savory pumpkin pie that I made at home? That’s kind of rude. And, what if I don’t know how to salsa? Will I feel left out? Do you think we could split the Uber taxi?
Hey Victim #6 thank you for understanding my butterfly obsession.
I was hoping we could paint our future kitchen red, but beige with oak cabinets sounds good too. We can compromise I suppose.
“I don’t think there’s a need for pills.” The WebMD of Tinder. Thanks for backing me up cutie pie 🙂
And here’s my Angelina Jolie friend again.
Ok bye, friend. I’ll miss you.
If you ‘d like to participate in this Tinder game with me, it’s fun. Email me at email@example.com or message me on Facebook. I’ll feature your sicko conversations in my next post!