Do something for yourself.

Stress is worse for your body than an entire box of pizza. Legit.

Prolonged periods of stress can lead to the following :

  • Low energy.
  • Headaches.
  • Upset stomach, including diarrhoea, constipation and nausea.
  • Aches, pains, and tense muscles.
  • Chest pain and rapid heartbeat.
  • Insomnia.
  • Frequent colds and infections.
  • Loss of sexual desire and/or ability.

…to name a few.

Not only that, my weight is always higher when I experience high stress and my skin breaks the f out. The freaking worst.

Stress is inevitable. Whether you’re worried about your soggy chicken tenders coming out from the kitchen in a timely manner, or you’ve experienced something far far worse, we are stressful human beings. It’s just who we are.

I’ve been super high stress recently. Dealing with a break up (sort of? still not totally sure how to classify this one), prepping for grad school, working way too much, paying bills, and all the other shit I deal with on the daily adds up to a shit-ton of headaches and self-doubt.

I was up last night starting at the splotches on my ceiling that I never finished painting (#adulting), and started to ask myself when the last time I did something for myself. When’s the last time I put my needs and my interests first? I feel like for the past several months I’ve been so worried about pleasing others that I’ve lost sight of WTF  want to do.

I have list of stuff in Nora (yes, I name my journals), that I want to be doing and haven’t really gotten around to any of it. Most of them are dream and aspirations that will hopefully come with time, but there are some that I can control right now.

Here is part of the list, verbatim:

  • Apply to grad school.
  • Be ~super fit~
  • Write more shit every day.
  • Read more books about race, class, and sex in America.
  • Try to be vegetarian. 2.5 months strong!
  • Yoga once a week.
  • Drink more water and stop dehydrating yourself with coffee. Guilty.

Let’s focus on:

  • Be ~super fit~

I work out 5-6x a week. As a diabetic, exercise is important as it is for everyone, duh but I’ve written time and time again about my existential body image issues and how I’ve never been totally satisfied with where I’m at.

Positive body image is not easy. Like, at all. I don’t think that’s news to anyone.

In college, I completed Kayla Itsines BBG program, because, you know ~tryna be trendy~. TBH that was the best I’ve ever felt about myself. I know it sounds super basic and I’m not saying BBG is some magical potion that transformed my body but…

BBG might be some magical potion that transformed my body. 

I’ve tried to pick it back up time and time again, but I always stop after week 2-3. There’s really no excuse for it, because its legit 28 minutes. I will say the workouts start to get bleh (not bleh as in easy but bleh as in the same shit over and over) after week 4 which makes it hard to stay motivated.

ANYWAYS, for me, seeing results in the gym makes my personal stress diminish significantly. Omg Beth life is so much more than what your body looks like! I know, I know. But, like, that’s just how my brain works.

Technically the program is supposed to start on a Monday, but whatevs. Like I did when I was a wee 21 year old, I’ll be posting updates of me shirtless every couple of weeks to showcase progress (narcissism at its finest!), and hopefully by the end of the 12 weeks I’ll be like, totally, stress-free!!!! (Lol, a girl can dream right?)

I guess my point is that life is one big choice. You choose who to date, where to work, what to put into your body. No wonnnnnnder why life is so goddamn stressful because you always have to choose shit! Sorta sucks but is also sorta cool.

So, for now, I’m choosing to do this. For nobody else but myself.

I cannot express the importance of being your own advocate. Choosing things and people that make you a better person. Stress is inevitable, but not everything in life has to be stressful. What and who you surround yourself with can either send your stress levels through the roof or can act as a breath of fresh air.

Do something for yourself every day. Because if you don’t, nobody else will.

Here’s me freshly rolled out of bed this morning looking super pretty!

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When you survive a Whole30

The past week or so I’ve had severe writer’s block for one reason or another. When you blog, you not only owe consistency to your readers but you also owe it to yourself to continue to work on something you’ve tried so hard to upkeep.

So, in the meantime, I’ve been scouring for inspiration in the form of food, fuckboys, feminism, and some other f words I can’t really think of at the moment.

Then, I thought, Omg Beth! You completed your first Whole30. You should totes blog about it! 

Continue reading When you survive a Whole30

Day 9 without pizza…and I’m not dead?

There are certain things in life we can’t live without: food, water, shelter, love…and pizza (ok, maybe not).

Food and body image have been topics of many of my blogs recently…once upon a time I even claimed I was going to do paleo for 30 days (only to fail after day 4)…but started for all the wrong reasons. I’ve discussed my unhealthy relationship with the scale, food, among other issues that many women (and men) my age face in a world of high expectations.

Yo-yo dieting, calorie restriction, over-eating, under-eating, stress-eating, f*ck-this-stupid-f*ckboy-eating. My relationship with food has never been “top notch,” if you will.

Today almost marks an entire month alcohol-free and (almost) f*ckboy free! V exciting. I’ve also made it 9 days without any cheese, bread, sugar, leftover french fries, gum (whaaaaa!!), and coconut creamer in my coffee (imysm).

There’s processed shit in literally everything…but I guess working around it isn’t so bad. Before embarking on my very first Whole 30, I told myself I didn’t belong in the kitchen. Like, gender stereotypes aside, it wasn’t too long ago when I was exploding oatmeal in the microwave…

9 days in and I’m feeling…um, great? I don’t know. I haven’t been asked to be on Top Chef yet nor look like Kayla Itsines (yet?). I guess I haven’t noticed a significant change since changing my diet specifically. However, when I cut out alcohol…well, that was like a “why the f#@& haven’t I tried this before?!”

I wasn’t eating pizza every day (as much as I wanted to). I wasn’t binging on chips and fried chicken tenders whenever I felt like it. If that were the case, maybe I’d feel significantly different 9 days in. My diet was always relatively low-carb but looking back, I was indulging on more processed foods than I thought. The handful of fries at work. Two (or three, or four ) pieces of chocolate before bed. A slice of pizza on a random Tuesday.

It adds up.

However, none of these felt like indulgences. It got to a point where I was just eating it because I was either A) hungry B) bored or the worst… C) stressed.

It was usually B or C.

It got to a point where I didn’t feel like I was controlling the food I ate (regardless if it was healthy or not). It was controlling me. Consuming my thoughts, my perceptions, my anxiety. How many calories are in 2 cups of sweet potato? Is brown rice bad for you? How do cheat days affect weight loss? Can you drink alcohol and still lose weight? How many tablespoons of olive oil should you have per day? 

Past Google searches of Beth^ (like chill….)

We literally need food. And calories. And carbs. And fat. And pizza (ok, again, maybe not). I know all of this. I know I should be eating 2000 calories a day to keep up with my active lifestyle and not deprive myself. I know I should enjoy food and take it for what it is, regardless of how many grams of fat it consists of. If I can answer a text from a fuckboy who is far worse than any slice of pizza I eat, why can’t I just enjoy a freaking slice of pizza?

The rational (often ignored) thought process of Beth^

The ~booze-free lyfe~ has significantly lessened my anxiety, improved my sleeping habits, and #MadeSaturdaysGreatAgain amongst many other benefits. It gave me the courage to take on the Whole 30, something I could have never imagined myself taking seriously for longer than 3 days (for real).

I didn’t decide to start the Whole 30 to lose a bunch of weight, the same way I didn’t cut alcohol for those reasons. I mean, it’s a nice perk, but I just got to a point where I had to stop making all of these goddamn excuses for being unhappy with the way I looked and thought about myself and just do something about it.

I won’t go over every single rule of the Whole30, because there’s Google for that. But 9 days in and here’s what I’ve learned.

  1. The scale was the best fuckboy I could’ve ever ended things with. Prior to the Whole30, I was weighing myself compulsively at least every other day. Like clockwork. I wouldn’t even think twice about it. It just came as habit. 9 days in – no drunk texts, regrettable sleepovers, or contact whatsoever!!!! Weee!!
  2. MyFitnessPal can be effective, but not if you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Calorie counting is a “no-no” during the Whole 30, as they believe if you are putting clean, wholesome food into your body, there is no need to obsess over the calories, macros, micros, grams of fat, vitamin C percentage, etc. You mean 4 vodka sodas don’t hold the same nutritional value as 6oz of chicken?! But they are the same amount of calories!! Food is more than calories. It’s fuel. Treat it as such.
  3. Speaking of, 2000 calories is not that much. That number absolutely petrified me for so long. I was at my smallest when I was restricting myself to 1500 a day (while vigorously working out each morning and being on my feet at work all night). I lost weight, but gained it right back because my metabolism was outta whack. Eat!!!!
  4. If you’re hungry, eat. If not, then don’t eat. But, Bethhhhh that’s so hard!!!! Those Spicy BBQ Fritos thooo!!!!!! It’s hard to overeat vegetables, protein, and good fatty foods. My meals are big. I load my lunch with veggies (cooked with dat Chili Lime seasoning from Trader Joe’s–amazing), sweet potato, and chicken. Afterwards, I’m full, but not the gross full. Like, you know, the ugh is it kosher to unbutton my jeans rn?? 
  5. Eliminating your triggers is key. Alcohol was my trigger for shitty decisions. I’m not saying I’m going to be sober Sally for the rest of my life, but I knew I needed to take a step back to get my other stuff in check.
  6. Sit down at the damn dinner table. I’m so busy tho! No time for that! Yes, you probably do have time. In her book, Hartwig discourages “mindless eating.” Like, when you’re sitting and watching The Bachelor and suddenly dinner you made and the pint of ice cream you just purchased is randomly gone. That kind of eating. Sit down at least once a day, cook yourself a nice meal and just enjoy it. Simultaneously Instagram scrolling is also frowned upon, but like…I love the ‘gram too much to give that up any time soon.
  7. Stop striving for perfection. That was my mantra well before I started Whole30, but was a bit too lenient when my cheat meals turned to cheat days, my one drink turned to five, etc. Know your goals, know what’s preventing you from achieving them, but also recognize that it’s a process. Food-wise, I’ve had a “perfect” Whole30. I can say with confidence I haven’t ate, sampled, or drank anything that wasn’t Whole30 compliant. But the book also discourages nighttime snacking/snacking in general. Sry, I like my snacks. Maybe the craving to snack will go away, but I’m not counting down the days.
  8. Know your body and know what it needs, not what it craves. This kind of ties it all together. My body wants that slice of pizza (can you tell I like pizza?). It wants to step on the scale. It wants that pint of Bud Light during a Pats game.  Why do I want these things? Because I’ve actively taught myself to crave them. What’s the difference between a want and a need? Well, I know my body needs a snack pre and post workout to prevent a low blood sugar. It needs over 2000 calories when I run 8 miles. It needs fats, proteins, and carbs. It needs food. Food is not the enemy ppl!

Do I suddenly have this whole new outlook on life? Do I wake up every morning and say, “Damn, Beth, you look gewwwd.” No, I don’t. Like I said, changing habits is a process. It’s not a change to be expected overnight. You won’t drop two pant sizes in 7 days. You won’t suddenly loathe all things containing high fructose corn syrup, monosodium glutamate, soy lethicin, and cheese (which is like everything lolz), but you will begin to understand the effects it has on your body. Even if you don’t notice the physical changes right away, you’ll find peace in the fact that beyond the reflection in the mirror, some body part inside of you is saying “Omg, tysm. #Blessed 2 have u.”

It’s not about being perfect. It’s not about having a killer workout every morning or having the power to say “no” to pizza for the rest of your life. It’s about having a killer workout and saying “no” to pizza for the right reasons (those reasons do not include obsessively creating a larger calorie deficit).

Find your unhealthy relationships and change them. It does take work. A lot of work. And it’s tedious. Self-care unfortunately does not come natural to most, myself included. At times, I feel ridiculous for partaking in a “30 Day BodyPeace Movement” on top of no alcohol and no pizza. It seems sort of overkill, right? I used to think that way too. I soon realized you can never invest enough in yourself and YOUR needs. Whatever those may be. If it means giving up things that were once seemingly so integrated in your life and choices, then so be it.

I’ve had multiple messages from so many beautiful women who are in search of some sort of insight into this way of thinking. I wish there was a simple, universal answer. But, there’s not.

If there is, I haven’t found it yet. Pinky swear to let you know if there is tho!!!!!

Take care of yourself. Your body, your mind, your people. I can’t emphasize enough that it’s a process, not a solution. It’s taken years for me to develop this way of thinking and I’m still working on it. Every single day. I stopped sitting back and waiting for other people  to change and allowing setbacks and personal mistakes to define my next steps.

Be responsible for you. You can’t expect a healthy relationship with anyone or anything if you don’t have some sort of healthy relationship with yourself.

(Do I sound like Buddha or a fortune cookie? Maybe both?)

Pizza does not rule the world!!! U rule da world!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Two sources of evil: fuckboys and alcohol.

“Happy New Year, Beth :)” the text(s) read.

Does that happen to anyone else? As soon as Christmas or NYE hits, your inbox suddenly becomes flooded with messages from men you haven’t spoken to in months? It’s like, ah, I know I fucked up, but it’s the holidays! Happy Holidays! Let’s forget about everything I’ve ever done to you! Wishing you a very merry season!

Continue reading Two sources of evil: fuckboys and alcohol.

When will I feel good enough?

There are parts of my body that I don’t mind. My legs aren’t so bad, neither is my face or hair. I wish my fingernails grew different so my index nail wouldn’t look so stubby. I have cute hands, even though they are the size of your average toddler. Guys seem to like my butt (tysm squats), and I don’t mind having a chest on the smaller side. Continue reading When will I feel good enough?

Just a type 1 diabetic tryna be paleo & sh*t

*sigh* Another paleo blog. *sigh heavier while simultaneously rolling eyes*

What is paleo? (click that)

The intent of this blog is not to explain what paleo means or what the diet entails (ok fine, in one sentence: I can’t have any of the main food groups: melted cheese, garlic bread, or Half Baked ice cream). This does not mean I am going to go hunt a chicken for dinner or grind my own coconut flour using all of the local palm tree coconuts in the DC metro area. It’s basically just being, like, healthy or whatever.

Continue reading Just a type 1 diabetic tryna be paleo & sh*t

This is what sucks about diabetes

We live in a world that’s made up of 1.25 million type 1 diabetics. At one point, you probably have sat next to someone at a bar who injected themselves with insulin before indulging in some nachos or possibly walked by somebody at the beach with a pump affixed to their stomach. The diabetic community isn’t the majority by any means, but there’s a lot of us out there.

Continue reading This is what sucks about diabetes

Clearing headspace: Day 2 + 3

I just had an awesome weekend with my best friend from back home. We did a lot in the short period of time she was here, but it was still a relaxing weekend nonetheless. Racing thoughts were minimal, perhaps because I was distracted by great company or maybe this meditation thing it working quicker than I thought. Continue reading Clearing headspace: Day 2 + 3

Clearing headspace

 

Our minds are constantly racing with thoughts, most that are unwanted. The anxiety that goes hand in hand with being human is exhausting and we are constantly promising ourselves that we will be better tomorrow. We won’t stress about people who don’t stress about us. We will get our rent paid, no matter how many shifts we have to work. Continue reading Clearing headspace

Living fit with my “new normal”

Life has been different, sort of.

For the first week, I was sad. Well, more like f*cking pissed. I was mourning the loss of my  perfectly healthy body and viewed my new diagnosis as something that would hold me back. I feared eating, running, and taking my medication because I was afraid of failing.

I was petrified.

 

The second week was better. I allowed myself to run; something that I truly missed when my pancreas decided to conk out on me. I tied my newly bought Sauconys and took off to the National Mall; a 4.5 mile route that had become foreign to me. Running was no longer a feat. I had the energy to keep going.

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 I had the energy to feel something other than pain.

There are good days and there are bad days. Some days I still ask “why?” and struggle to fight back tears but some days I feel #blessed that I’m living with a very manageable disease. There are days I take too much insulin for the amount of carbs I’m consuming and there are days where I should throw a freaking party for myself because my blood sugars were ON POINT all day. Who would’ve thought blood sugar counts could be so exciting?!

Regardless, I’m getting there. Slowly, but surely. And maybe one day I’ll get comfortable enough with it where I can use diabetes as a pick up line to a cute guy at the bar. Like, “Hey, wanna compare blood sugars?” No? Alright.

Anyways, since I have to limit my pizza intake (to my dismay), I’ve decided to take the cards I’ve been dealt and turn it into a challenge for myself, physically and mentally. Maintaining a good diet and exercise regime is crucial for being a ~*superstar Type 1.*~

Today I started a 6 week fitness and exercise regimen by a Instafit-famous star, Nikki Zahka. Check out her page here. I have to watch my carb intake, so she personalized a meal plan for me based on the amount of grams I’m supposed to consume per meal. So, it makes it pretty easy for me. My exercise routine is a mixture of resistance and half marathon training.

 

Follow me on my fitness journey (since I finally have enough insulin in me to do so).

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