‘It’s complicated.’

About a month ago I wrote a blog about how I wasn’t ready to date.

A simple claim that I had recently come to grips with at the time. I received a lot of feedback from people who shared their stories with me. It was a roughly a 70/30 split between people who have experienced similar situations versus people who were encouraging me to put myself out there.

Someone will come around when you least expect it. 

I semi-believe this but also believe that things sort of align with the place you are in your life. The right person might come along, but maybe you’re at a point where you’re setting for the wrong guys. Idk. It’s a process.

Dating in 2018. Have you tried it? It’s weird.

One moment I’m aggressively swiping through apps cramping my thumb from the abundance of leftward motions and the next moment I say fuck it and just hope Prince Charming will be sitting at my bar.

You’ve gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. 

If that’s the case, there’s an serious overpopulation problem. Like China except Toad Land. Kidding, sort of. I’m not bitter. I swear.

But yeah, it’s just so weird and complicated. Half of the time I blame myself and the other times I blame the toad pool. I don’t know who are the “right” people to date for me versus the totally wrong people. Or if there even is a right or wrong way of doing things. Ya feel me?

With each ending relationship, I learn something new about what I want and certainly what I don’t want — but will this just be an ongoing learning experience rather than actually finding the right right guy? On paper, I know who I want. Or, rather, who I should want. I’ve had a few instances with guys where I’ve mentally gone through the checklist and they are seemingly the perfect person for me.

Then I lose interest. Or they do. Whichever comes first.

And most of the time, I don’t know why. But I’m also at a point where I don’t really care. Like, I feel like I’ve sort of expected things to be doomed from the beginning which sounds so depressing, negative and pathetic but in my head it’s really not. It’s just simple statistics. And I don’t mind it.

I used to care a lot more about what men thought of me. I would meet a guy that I was remotely interested in and suddenly I’d start planning my future with him. You’re lying if you didn’t go through a similar phase. It was like every guy I made out had to be my boyfriend at some point or else I’d feel a pit of rejection in my stomach that wouldn’t go away until the next potential suitor came along.

Hey Beth, what are you doing tonight? GUYS OMFG HE TEXTED ME. PAUSE EVERYTHING YOU’RE DOING AND TELL ME WHAT TO REPLY. HOW LONG SHOULD I WAIT TO TEXT BACK? LIKE 8 MINUTES YOU THINK?

*48 seconds later*

Hey! Not much, just hanging with friends. And you? 

It was as if waiting 8 minutes would make me seem less psycho and eager. I don’t know. It was college. Times were different, I guess.

Now, tbh I don’t really give a shit. I’ve sort of gotten over letting guys judge my “crazy-ness level — whatever that means these days.  If I’m interested in someone, I talk to them. If they fail to put the effort in on their end, I lose interest pretty quickly. I don’t overthink a double text and I certainly don’t wait 27 minutes to text back if they took 21.

I take 18. 

In a sense, I’ve made dating less complicated, but I also don’t think about it as much. Well, like, guys are quite often ~on the brain~, but so are the thousand of over things going in my life — things that are usually more important.

I’m busy and I need coffee, always. My ideal relationship would be with someone who is equally as busy but makes time to bring me coffee and call me pretty. But I’m also OK with doing those things on my own.

So, um, I guess I’m actively dating again. But it wasn’t because one day I was like Ya know what, Beth?! Pull your Tinder bootstraps up and get back on the dating train!!!

Tinder bootstraps? What?

It more just sorta happened? I stopped putting pressure on myself to move on and decided to just rise above what happened and be better. He’s not the reason why I wasn’t ready to date. It was me. I guess I started being open to new possibilities.

I’ve chosen to spend my time with people who are simply worth my time. If it turns into something more, great. But if not, that’s cool too.

***

Recently, a guy asked what I was looking for. Relationship-wise, of course.

At first I was sorta taken aback. Like, wooaaaah how dare you ask a super valid question before we go on our first date? I showed my friend, how am I supposed to answer this?

Um, idk Beth, maybe you just be honest? There’s a thought! 

I told him I didn’t know. It sounded like a cop out answer, but I don’t really think I’m in a place where I want or should put a pretense on someone or something that may turn out to be just another toad in the toad pool. I’m not saying all toads are bad people, I’m justing saying that most toads won’t be the right toad for me.

How many times can I use this metaphor without exhausting it? The limit does not exist.

It would be a lie to tell him that I’m actively searching for a committed relationship but it would also be a lie to tell him I wasn’t. I just like, don’t know, ya know?

My last relationship made me second guess everything. I always felt like I was being too needy. Too emotional. Too psycho. Too everything. It was exhausting. I really hate that I keep talking about the same dude, but like, whatever man. Feeling all that shit sucked and I continue to learn more about how it impacted me. And I guess I can thank him for giving me some solid content to chat about with you guys.

Point is, I don’t want to second guess anything when it comes to relationships, platonic or romantic. Wishful thinking, I know. I just want things to, like, be. You know, just some dude who likes a gal enough to bring her coffee and call her pretty without being a shithead.

Sorry, that last part was aggressive. Just keepin’ it 💯!

Speaking of aggressive, I called a dude a jackass recently. Like, last night. We had been sorta on and off for quite some time and it wasn’t a complicated thing…until it was. Sure, I was a few vodka sodas deep and maybe I should’ve just let things go naturally. But also, it’s how I felt. Simply put.

I tried coming up with a nicer noun, but I guess that was the first thing that came to mind. Nobody’s perfect, and I’m sure there has been points in my life where I’ve acted like a jackass, but at this point in my life, I’m just kinda over the what is this? banter. Long story. Possibly might get into it at another time.

As humans, we naturally complicate things. We take a scenario and twist it into some convoluted mess that can’t really be explained to anybody not involved in the mess itself. Usually this doesn’t end so well, but we continue to do it anyways.

I’m about to sound soooo basic and soooo pathetically single and sorta aggressive. Ready for it? I simply just don’t have time for stupid shit. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.

That’s not to say I won’t continue to deal with stupid shit, but hopefully it’s stupid shit that I can’t control. Ya feel me? I’m also not quite sure how I define “stupid shit” but I think we all know what constitutes as “stupid shit.”

 

Per usual, I don’t really know where this blog post was supposed to go. I guess it’s just refreshing to say that I’m at a point where I’m equally as comfortable dating as I am not. It’s refreshing to say that I can confidently call someone a jackass and not later label myself “crazy” for it. If it’s deserved, of course.

I used to think that if you were engulfed in the dating scene, it had to be a main focal point in your life. Like, you had to actively make it a part of your day to find the right toad.

I’ve been on 4-5 dates this past month with different guys. Sure, they took up the small amount of free time I had, but they were dates that I wanted to go on. Some were better than others, but there was no pressure to make it something more. No pretense that it had to be something more. Just two people who showed a genuine interest in each other and wanted to act on it.

The best part? All Most of them didn’t turn out to be a convoluted, complicated mess! It’s great!

I’m not naïve and I won’t say relationships aren’t ever complicated, because they are. That’s just howwww the cookie crumbles. But, I suppose there’s a spectrum of complications and I’m just out here tryna fall on the right side of it while also trying to to avoid the spectrum entirely.

I have really cool stuff going on in my life — stuff that I am so damn proud of. It’s crazy to think how much I was holding myself back when I was with someone who took up literally all of who I was. I knew there something more out there for me, but I was so consumed in this “relationship” that I never acted on it. I don’t want to be at that point in my life again.

I don’t know the type of person I need to be with. I don’t where he is either, but he’s out there somewhere.

I can wait. Hopefully he can to.

While you’re waiting, FYI I usually drink hot coffee with almond milk. It’s an easy order to remember. You’re welcome. 

Words.

The blind in the middle window of my bedroom is broken. I should get it fixed, but I enjoy Mother Nature as an alarm clock.

You cannot hit snooze on the sun. I’ve tried. Mother Naure is relentless.

I am relentless.

Continue reading Words.

VLOG: Should you blog? Yes. Should I vlog? Idk, but here I am.

I never imagined myself to be a vlogger. It’s like the super kewl and trendy thing to do nowadays, but man, being able to talk through a QWERTY keyboard is much easier than talking to Photo Booth alone in my apartment with Stella. For me, at least.

So, when I asked myself if I should hop on the vlog bandwagon, I remembered the feeling I had 4 years ago when starting this whole blog shindig…which led me to the first vlog topic.

In my very first vlog, I answer the question I get all of the time, “should I start a blog?” Excuse my poor grammar at times…like I said, QWERTY keyboard > Photo Booth chat.

Enjoy my awkwardness, excessive hand motions, and countless “um”s and “like”s. xo

How to move away unemployed and still make it.

I wasn’t made to stay in one place for too long…

The night of August 22nd, my mom, sister, and I packed my life in a UHaul van. Inside was my bed, new dresser, and endless bags of random sh*t. We were expected to leave at midnight and make it to our destination by 8am the next morning, but we hit the road after dinner instead because naps are for squids.

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Staring at the truck in confusion and fright…candidly of course.

I gripped the truck with both hands the entire ride (surprisingly, big trucks don’t come with instruction manuals) and I was leaving the city that I had called my home for the past 22 years to start a new life in the nation’s capital.

Did I mention that I am unemployed? Lol.

Boston had my name written all over it. I left job opportunities, friends, family, flings, you name it. Not that I would have been miserable moving to Southie or Somerville, I was just ready to leave that life behind. I didn’t come to DC with a plan, all I knew was that I had a roof over my head and a few month’s rent in my savings account. 

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Welcome to the new hood. It’s kewl AF.

Some called me crazy to pack up my life and move away without a job, and others called me brave. Although I appreciated the compliment (or lack thereof), I wouldn’t classify myself as either.

I’m just a girl who wanted to move away…so I did.

So Beth, how’d ya do it?!

STEP 1 OF MOVING AWAY UNEMPLOYED: HAVE ENOUGH MONEY SAVED TO AVOID HOMELESSNESS.

Living at home is always the safest plan financially, and to be quite frank I’m not sure how I’m going to pay my loans on top of my rent and living expenses come December. That being said, I worked my ass off this summer and missed out on a lot fun stuff with friends but I knew I needed to be able to make it down here…at least for a few months. The rest I’ll figure out as I go.

You don’t need to have 10 grand in your savings, you just need enough to give yourself a cushion until your income becomes more steady.

STEP 2 OF MOVING AWAY UNEMPLOYED: HAVE SOME AMMO IN YOUR RESUMÉ BEFORE EVEN GETTING THERE. 

Long story short, I spent $250 to make a video resumé with a complete stranger I found on Craigslist (literally).

I sent a few texts back and forth with this CL videographer dude and he seemed normal and offered an affordable rate so we met up in Boston one day and filmed for 6 hours–again, not kidding. Don’t knock CL until you try it. Statistics show that most aren’t Craigslist killers…I think. 

If you were too lazy to click on my video link, I encourage you to scroll up and do so. It got over 200 likes on Facebook…it’s the real deal.

I’m trying to go into the PR field which is what inspired the “life story” theme. The business is all about being able to sell your brand and story so I came up with a creative way of showing that. I ran around Boston and got a lot of rejections and eye rolls…but I also met a lot of amazing people and shot some great footage for pretty goddamn cheap.

The videographer’s name is Ben Zackin who has a video business based out of Vermont. As you can see…he’s kind of awesome. He brought my jumbled thoughts to life and created what turned out be an incredible end product. Check out more of Ben’s stuff here, he’s pretty much the sh*t.

Anyways, back to DC.

STEP 3 OF MOVING AWAY UNEMPLOYED: BE GOOD AT INSTAGRAM…I GUESS?

I started the job hunt grind the day after I got here. I searched on Craigslist under the “food/bev/hosp” section for a waitressing or bartending gig to make quick cash to supplement my income for the time being. I immediately got an email back from a tequila bar downtown…and the same day I was employed.

Day 2 of DC: Employed (technically).

The day I was hired as a waitress I Instagrammed this photo:

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I didn’t think much of it. I just wanted the world to know that I wasn’t about to enter into a downward financial spiral and burn up in flames after paying my September rent (just kidding, I just wanted an excuse to Insta).

Well, apparently the owner of the restaurant LOVED the photo and the amount of likes it got–the power of social media, bro. The first time I met him in person he immediately complimented my picture and then asked what my story was.

Well, uh, I moved here from Boston without a job and here I am. He asked what field I was going into and I told him I was applying to jobs in PR. As it turns out, his fiancé is pretty big in PR down here…life, man. He then told me to shoot over my resumé (awesome! connections!!!! networking!!!) and he’d help me out. Before I had even had the chance to, I received this email from him the very next morning:

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The new location is 5 stories with a retractable roof deck…pretty sick.

Not only was he offering to help with my job search…he extended an invite to “chat more” about a full time position within their company. I replied instantly with my resumé and the video I had created with Ben.

The next day I walked into work and started getting compliments on my video and the Instagram picture (perks of being a ~*filter expert*~). He had been sending my video around to the management team and they were loving it.

I refreshed my email after my shift and got offered an official interview for the marketing and events associate position he had mentioned in the email. I couldn’t decide if I was excited or just extremely confused about how quick and easy things had started falling into place.

In less than 2 weeks of being in DC: I applied to a restaurant I found on CL, posted an Instagram picture, sent my resumé to the owner, and now I was getting offered an interview for a really awesome job working with really cool people…with benefits (and free margaritas hopefully?). None of this was planned to happen this way, it just did.

Step 4 of moving away unemployed: if you don’t “know” anyone, make yourself known.

They say life after post-grad is all about “who you know.” You’re expected to network throughout college, build your resumé, and make connections to make the job search easier.

That being said, I’ve known my boss for less than 2 weeks and he has already panned out to be a stronger connection than most people I have come into contact with throughout my job search. My mom “knows” people, my previous bosses “know” people, but I’ve found that it’s way more rewarding making your own connections without anyone else’s help.

OPPORTUNITY IS ALWAYS OUT THERE, YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND IT.

I know what employers look for in a PR candidate, so even if I don’t have all the experience or impressive bullet points on my resumé, there are other avenues to take. For example, social media.

You can classify my Instagram as “basic” but I don’t just take photos for the likes. My Insta feed is an addition to my personal brand and it’s certainly something I include on my resumé (hiding social media pages is so 2011). Social media rules the world, especially in PR and marketing.

STEP 5 OF MOVING AWAY UNEMPLOYED: WORK THE SYSTEM, DON’T LET IT WORK YOU.

What else do I use to enhance this said “personal brand?”

Hi, I’m Beth. I moved here from Boston unemployed because I wanted to take a chance in a new city. There are ways to phrase that and sound like an irresponsible and ignorant millennial. However, there’s also a way to make it sound like you’re a motivated go-getter who has enough confidence to take that chance…and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

Like, I have literally been using my unemployment and unsteady income as a marketing technique…funny how that works out, huh?

step 6 of moving away unemployed: throw your excuses out the window.

I’m writing this as a post-grad who is still unemployed, but I wouldn’t have picked up my life if I didn’t think I could make it. The way I see it, sometimes having no plan is actually better than having one. I’ve been able to create my life the way I want it to so far without having to adhere to a 9-5 right away.

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I’m still in tourist mode.

Financially, this move has been entirely on my own. My bank account sobbed a little September 1st but the first cut is always the deepest, right?

Mentally, it’s scary as hell moving to a new place where you are basically a nobody. I don’t have a solid group of friends yet and I can count on one hand the amount of people I can call up to go out on a Friday night. It’s weird, but definitely not lonely.

I take comfort in the fact that the best is certainly to come.

The point of this post wasn’t to brag or say it’s easy moving to a new city. I’ve been here for little less than 2 weeks and I already miss my friends and family despite DC being absolutely incredible so far. It’s weird moving here without a solid foundation and no one really to fall back on besides yourself. Not to mention, it’s also definitely a little bit stressful paying rent and other random expenses on your own.

Maybe luck fell on my side these first couple of weeks, but I’d like to give myself a little more credit than that.

I guess I’m writing this to prove that you don’t always have to rely on other people to get where you need to be, it can be done entirely on your own. I could’ve worked the ropes in Boston fairly easily and landed a job out of college if I really wanted to but I knew I didn’t want to stay in Boston.

IT’S NOT HARD TO MAKE IT ONCE YOU GET TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE, THE HARD PART IS ACTUALLY GETTING THERE.

Maybe it wasn’t the “safest” decision to take a leap of faith into the unknown. However, when you move away, you realize that you need to make it work because you don’t really have any other option but to make it work. You see what I’m sayin’?

Not knowing what my future holds is kind of unsettling at times. However, it’s also kind of awesome. For the first time, I feel like my life is completely in my hands and I can mold it how I see fit. I’ll keep you all updated and I promise I won’t wait 3 weeks this time…

As for the last and final step:

step 7 of moving away unemployeD: don’t be afraid to meet up with guys you met on hinge, happn, bumble, or tinder. *insert smirking emoji here*

8 Promises To Make Yourself Going Into the New Year

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Time. We define our lives by it, allowing it to consume our entire being, yet it’s something that is entirely humanly constructed. It’s not real. You can’t hold it or even accurately describe it to someone without fumbling over your own words. Yet, timing is everything. Time allows us to move on, it allows us to make meaning of things we can’t quite understand. It’s why we celebrate the New Year. The New Year is a symbol for a fresh start, a time when we can allow ourselves to reflect on the years prior, a time to flip the page and start over. Even when you know that starting over is impossible, you allow yourself to believe it is. It gives you a peace of mind, it gives you a chance to redefine yourself.

How would you define your time here in 2014? You may have found yourself, or maybe you lost sight of who you were. Maybe you thought you had life at your fingertips, only to find out that that’s impossible. I hope you fostered friendships, rekindled flames, and maybe even found the love of your life. I hope you realized that life is beautiful, even if it can’t be controlled. I hope that you found true happiness, but I would be naive to think that everyone did.

There are hundreds of things that I would love to promise myself going into the New Year, things that I think we should all promise ourselves. Things that I think if we follow, we’ll be able to prosper and hopefully continue or start down a road of progress and fulfillment.

1. Let them go.
Let him go. Let her go. Let anyone go who no longer serves you and no longer holds a fulfilling piece of your life. Moving on from past boyfriends, girlfriends, and even former best friends, is one of the hardest things you can do. By holding on, you’re simply holding yourself back. You’re holding onto your past, something that you shouldn’t define yourself by. Don’t text him anymore. He isn’t coming back. And even if he does, you’ll soon realize that you were never meant to be in the first place. Don’t allow anyone to come into the 2015 year with you who will only constantly remind you of the disappointments of the past. Focus on yourself and your happiness. Don’t need anyone who doesn’t need you. Letting go doesn’t mean you’re erasing your past, it means that you’ve realized that the future holds so much more.

2. Travel.
If I could, I would pack my bags tomorrow and buy the next one way ticket to anywhere. 2014 was a year that changed me. It changed me because I explored the unknown and allowed myself to stretch beyond my comfort zone. It changed me because I traveled. It’s incredible what you can learn about yourself when you aren’t surrounded by the familiar. Life is easy when you have a set routine in place. Having a routine is safe, it provides a feeling of content. Promise yourself to break that routine in 2015. You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars to travel. You can drive 3 hours out of your way and explore something you’ve never seen before. Allow yourself to be open to what else the world has to offer you and you’d be amazed at the people and places you will find along the way.

3. Recognize weakness isn’t always a bad thing.
In life, we are always told to be strong. We are told that with strength comes happiness, with strength comes a life that will never disappoint because you will be trained to handle anything that comes your way. However, with strength also comes weakness. Realize that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay. Allow yourself to admit defeat.

4. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Too often we hold ourselves back from taking a leap of faith because we’re afraid of what will happen if we fail. We’re afraid of leaving ourselves to be vulnerable to certain people and opportunities because the fear of rejection is always on our minds. Setting your expectations high for something allows more room for disappointment, but some things in life don’t always have to be disappointing. Don’t define opportunities by what they could be, define them by what you make of them.

5. Realize you are more than your physical appearance. 
Stop letting a double tap make you feel beautiful. Stop basing your self perception on the amount of “likes,” “retweets.” and “swipe rights,” you get. Defining yourself based on things so superficial will do nothing for you but lead you down road of self-destruction. Beauty has no fixed meaning, so don’t let society tell you otherwise.

6. Don’t allow yourself to stay in a relationship you aren’t happy with.
Too often we settle for people because it’s convenient and easy. It’s easy to be content with the familiar. The thought of cutting someone out and beginning the painful process of moving on makes us cringe. Don’t justify their actions, don’t  convince yourself that things will get better, and certainly don’t settle for anyone who makes you question your self-worth. You can do better and you will do better, just give it time.

7. Realize you aren’t crazy for wanting something more than he is giving.
Life is all about avoiding the label that is, “crazy.” We allow ourselves to believe we are “over thinking,” certain situations as an excuse to justify someone’s actions even if it actually makes us feel like shit. If having sex with him makes you feel used, then don’t let him make you feel used. Just because you want more than fuck buddy doesn’t make you crazy. Society defines “chill girls,” as women who don’t rush attachment and who “go with the flow.” Well, guess what? You don’t have to fall into the label of the “chill girl,” if you don’t want to. Do what makes you happy and don’t do things that make you feel like shit. If he isn’t giving you what you need, then go find someone who will. Don’t let society tell you how you’re supposed to feel. Stop settling for something mediocre when you could have something so much more.

8. Be the one worth chasing after, not the one who chases.
Strive to be the best version of yourself. Be the person who leaves a lasting impact, the person who people fight to keep around. Be the one worth chasing after. That being said, don’t fight to keep people in your life who wouldn’t do the same in return. There are people who take more than they give. They expect you to make them feel important, yet they don’t do the same for you. They won’t chase you, so don’t chase them. Instead, chase yourself. Chase your dreams. Chase after the person you strive to be. Allow yourself to thrive with the best of them. Allow yourself to thrive with the people who encourage you to flourish, not the people who continually drain you. Give to people who give back. In turn, you’ll make people realize what a stupid mistake they made by letting you go so easily. Be awesome. Make yourself worth fighting for.

Happy New Year people. Cheers to 2015, and cheers to you. Go out and make a difference somewhere.